drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
