i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
