I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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