You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
