I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
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You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
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I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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