i permit you to call me
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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