Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize