At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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