YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
