i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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