I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
my liver is dry heaving
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
