Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
