What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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