My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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