It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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