if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out mid-signature
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So here I am, sexting at work.
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