i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
