Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
