Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize