Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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