Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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