You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
