i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
