dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
