3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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