I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize