Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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