I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
