Sponge bath it is.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
