dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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