girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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