We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
