what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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