I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
