The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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