how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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