if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
