Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
