How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize