you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
