this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
