Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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