i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
