First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
