writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
