Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
