a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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