so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
