i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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