He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
