I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize