He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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