Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(937): View more from Ohio

Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?

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(732): View more from New Jersey

When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.

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(706): View more from Georgia

I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.

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(303): View more from Colorado

you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.

(303): View more from Colorado

and I must say, you were very persuasive

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.

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(310): View more from California

Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year

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(573): View more from Missouri

I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"

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