You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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