drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
