i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
