You made me cry and you don't even care
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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