So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
