my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
