I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
