Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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