So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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