We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
