the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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