i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just gargled with NyQuil
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
