So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
