sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
